I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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