So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
