just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
