can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
