Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
