careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
