he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize