I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize