Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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