Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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