We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
