that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
