Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize