My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
