Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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