You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
