we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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