okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The Olympian is in my bed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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