I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
