Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
