make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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