This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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