I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
