Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
