I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
