Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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