so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
As shirtless as possible
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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