I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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