apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
