For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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