Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
