R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
