Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
