now i know why i became what i already was.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
