It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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