so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
