I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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