I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
