there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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