my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
