who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
