I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How external is "for external use only"?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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