my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
