um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
