her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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