you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
