No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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