He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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