Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
