Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
