i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
