So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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