he told me I talked like a deaf person
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize