i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
