I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
