You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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