That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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