VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
