I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just google imaged poop.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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