He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize