I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
