my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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