idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
