He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
