Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
