okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
