It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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