Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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