i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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