i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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