he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize