You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
