Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
