there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
