dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
