We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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