that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
