we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My ass is underappreciated
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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